I want to stick my p in your. b.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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