My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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