I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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