in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
