all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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