Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
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