thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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