Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said her name was "party"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
