that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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