but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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