you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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