my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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