So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
