You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
