ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
