Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
