i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
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I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less talking, more tequila
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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