My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
