my phone needs a breathalizer
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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