I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
