guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
