I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
