Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
