wrigley field is MILF paradise
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
