She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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