I just cut my nipple shaving
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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