i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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