Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
