i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
