So drunk its hurt
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
