make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
