How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
