I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
