afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
