remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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