what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Vodka?
Forever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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