I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
