When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
