i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
