My room smells like vodka and shame
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
