You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
