Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
