mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
