***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
