Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
