i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
