If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
