i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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