8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
