who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
