Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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