turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
