I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
