Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize