there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
jump out the window naked night went bad
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