Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hell yes lets make some ravioli
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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