He uses pillows to masturbate.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
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Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.