Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.