That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
