sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.