Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.

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(203): I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket. http://tfl.nu/3353

Replies (28) Good night (1314) Bad night (522)
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(614): View more from Ohio

she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny

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(614): she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny http://tfl.nu/4cwi

Replies (12) Good night (2976) Bad night (614)
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(303): View more from Colorado

GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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(303): GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car. http://tfl.nu/jp7a

Replies (14) Good night (980) Bad night (4287)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works

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(978): he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works http://tfl.nu/o828

Replies (11) Good night (4396) Bad night (1760)
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(410): View more from Maryland

When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.

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(410): When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand. http://tfl.nu/fda6

Replies (39) Good night (1841) Bad night (5344)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.

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(618): I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's. http://tfl.nu/uxq5

Replies (11) Good night (4078) Bad night (1224)
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(702): View more from Nevada

By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set

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(702): By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set http://tfl.nu/1rax

Replies (12) Good night (1300) Bad night (840)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina

(513): View more from Ohio

Post that event on your timeline

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(812): Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina (513): Post that event on your timeline http://tfl.nu/4t95

Replies (31) Good night (1637) Bad night (410)
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(619): View more from California

Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands

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(619): Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands http://tfl.nu/hu3j

Replies (11) Good night (409) Bad night (1006)
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(206): View more from Washington

i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.

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(206): i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet. http://tfl.nu/qbs8

Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (528)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.

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(573): I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/e7oe

Replies (5) Good night (769) Bad night (399)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.

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(828): Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date. http://tfl.nu/q3v1

Replies (4) Good night (536) Bad night (294)
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(231): View more from Michigan

I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.

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(231): I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/j7wr

Replies (4) Good night (559) Bad night (318)
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(216): View more from Ohio

We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"

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(216): We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence" http://tfl.nu/k55r

Replies (0) Good night (435) Bad night (205)
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(434): View more from Virginia

All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday

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(434): All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday http://tfl.nu/0n0q

Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (196)

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