The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
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The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
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I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...