every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Acid is not a monday night drug
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.