Texts From Last Night

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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the snow is so cold on my vagina.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do you have snow on your vagina?

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  vodka and heels.

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  (580): the snow is so cold on my vagina. (405): why do you have snow on your vagina? (580): vodka and heels. http://tfl.nu/uvnf
  Replies (45) Good night (6420) Bad night (1543)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.

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  (509): I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good. http://tfl.nu/3e0k
  Replies (30) Good night (5186) Bad night (2028)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out

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  (573): i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out http://tfl.nu/mqff
  Replies (16) Good night (1986) Bad night (5974)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer

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  (519): I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer http://tfl.nu/z4my
  Replies (4) Good night (1306) Bad night (1732)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.

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  (419): Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won. http://tfl.nu/dkj1
  Replies (3) Good night (2742) Bad night (1028)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.

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  (407): Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary. http://tfl.nu/ntpi
  Replies (4) Good night (1930) Bad night (626)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

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  (207): There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth. http://tfl.nu/nr8v
  Replies (12) Good night (3110) Bad night (1555)
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  (914): View more from New York

  It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional

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  (914): It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional http://tfl.nu/y54e
  Replies (2) Good night (691) Bad night (2165)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity

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  (250): I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity http://tfl.nu/6n2x
  Replies (2) Good night (1054) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?

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  (843): New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard. (321): Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman? http://tfl.nu/4ln7
  Replies (6) Good night (837) Bad night (1789)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.

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  (310): I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it. http://tfl.nu/9g38
  Replies (0) Good night (857) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.

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  (619): So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole. http://tfl.nu/on15
  Replies (3) Good night (502) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD

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  (315): My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD http://tfl.nu/z1nh
  Replies (10) Good night (1741) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  this is why i love drunk you

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  (520): Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI (1-520): this is why i love drunk you http://tfl.nu/owbm
  Replies (2) Good night (987) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.

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  (646): i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit. http://tfl.nu/hqgt
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (389)

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