My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
