one might say we're banned from that church
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
