I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
