True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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