Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
