I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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