Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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