She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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