where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
