If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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