Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize