i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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