i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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